Sidestepping

10 seconds on the clock. He’s got the ball. One step, dribble, two step, dribble, he sets himself up for the shot. 3 seconds on the clock, he shoots and... this isn’t a basketball match. This is the rare yet oddly frequent occurrence of moving in the same direction as someone trying to walk past you on a narrow path, AKA sidestepping.

I hate sidestepping in public. There isn’t anything more awkward, infuriating and time wasting than trying to get past someone in the street and for you or them to try and be polite and move out the way of the other.  However 80% of the time you are both being kind, and move out the way but in the same direction, which then causes a tango of movements like it were an intricate Latino dance - Cha Cha Cha.

You almost walk into each other but stop with a grinding halt on the pavement. An awkward laugh slips out of your mouth, and of course because we live in Britain, an exchange of ‘sorry’, even from the one who was doing the right thing. However, what you really want to say is ‘BLOODY MOVE!’ as they almost perfectly mimic your movements like a mirror was placed in between you both at that very second. This will last usually less than 5 seconds if your enemy is more competent than a monkey, but if you’re really unlucky, perhaps a devastating 5 seconds may pass which will guaranteed feel like 5 years. Do you know what can happen in 5 seconds? A fire could start, a biscuit could sink in a tea, someone could fall, but no, you’re stuck there.

You would think a basketball match was taking place with the amount of stepping going on.  You might as well break the opponent's ankles! Instead of the squeaks of a basketball court, there’s a crunchy cement sound like your shoes have just been shredded apart with how hard you dig your foot into the floor just trying not to fall into someone.

But, worst of all, is the lack of communication to simply stop the problem. No one ever talks when this happens, not even a plan on which direction each of us should go, no ‘stay left’ or ‘I’m going right’, instead just a nervous laugh and trying to keep your head down. If I were in control, I’d force everyone to wear indicators on their heads and zap them if they try to go anywhere else. 

Perhaps a bit dystopian, but the world couldn’t get better than that.